Full Circle

Dear Soul Dive,
 

I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe everything we experience is with a divine purpose. I believe every single person that comes into our life is there for a reason, whether a short season or a lifelong journey, it’s never for nothing. I know this to be true for me and I invite you to come along for a little story about how I got here. 
 

I shared a little of my past a while back, but many have joined our community since then so please allow me to re-roll the tape… 
 

My birthday is June 16th and this last one marked 4 years since the person I loved the most on this earth, my fiance, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. It was the major life event that lifted the mirror to my face and begged the question of who I am and what my purpose is in this life.
 

He passed away on September 14, 2022. The very same day I received the keys to the studio. Remember the door drama? Clearly, I was supposed to wait. I don’t believe in coincidences.

We had only been together for about 8 months before his diagnosis, but on that day I made the decision to put my life on hold and become his caretaker. I cared for him for 6 months at which point he went to live with his family. During this time I completely lost myself. I was held hostage by illnesses, a literal prisoner in my own home, and existed in constant panic that he was going to die. As humans, we are so resistant to death when in fact, it is the only sure thing about our human existence in life! 
 

While I was a caretaker, yoga was the only thing I could do. I would bring him home from his daily radiation appointments and know he would sleep soundly enough that I could make it to the studio for a class. I had barely enough strength to walk there, least of all embracing the power my practice once held, but I kept going because it became my refuge. The studio was my home away from home. I was safe. I was held. I could show up and simply be in whatever capacity I was at that given moment. It was a place free from pity, full of love and empowering voices that helped me put one foot in front of the other at a time when it would have been far easier to melt away. When I say yoga saved my life I mean it. The practice, the purpose and the community showed up for me in ways I could have never imagined. And guess what… it continues to do so. The day I learned of his passing the same yoga teacher from Chicago just happened to be right by my side in my studio. Coincidence? I think not.

We were in each other’s lives for a very special reason. While the most tragic love story I’ve ever heard of (and unfortunately had to play the leading lady in), I wouldn’t take it back. I asked him a year ago, just as I was starting my 500-hour training if he would trade in his experience and he said he would not. My last visit with him was in June. He had started to decline quite a bit. But he knew me, he knew our jokes, and mostly we both knew how much we loved each other. That afternoon we shared a deep dish Chicago pizza and spent the last moments we would together on this earth. 
 

I can’t explain the experience of being in the room when your person receives that diagnosis and while it was a few years ago, processing through that kind of trauma is not an overnight job.  I have been waiting for the news of his death for years. Even in anticipation, grief is still very real.

There is no question I am precisely where I’m supposed to be. The chain of events that led me here brought such obvious direction, even my stubbornness couldn’t ignore. My experience with him was the catalyst and I am forever grateful God put us together.

Soul Dive is so much more than a business. Soul Dive is a home - your home - and a place for our community to grow and heal together. My heart and soul are in this place and threads of him are too. The records were gifts from our engagement party and pay tribute to him, the life we shared (albeit briefly), and the lessons we learned. But to Soul Dive they are a point of engagement, they put the pulse in the practice and allow members of the community to talk about something other than the weather. The records are the catalyst to connection. And connection is at the core of who we are as humans.

I feel called to peel back the curtain so you know who the person is behind the studio you already (or soon will) call home.  My commitment to you is that I will show up as authentically as I possibly can. The more I learn about the human experience the more connected I feel to each individual on this earth. Our paths, experiences, hopes, and dreams are not so different. My life has come full circle and I have never felt more complete and more at peace with where I am. 

Whether you practice daily or just come by for tea to visit and spin a record, this place is for you. I promise you life will show up as painful as it is beautiful and in either case, we’ve got you. Your mat is ready. The space is held. Come as you are and simply be.

I love you all and I’m so grateful to be here,